Today is changing, and so is tomorrow...#27

The life I live is so confusing sometimes. Sometimes you feel totally okay with the way your life is, and then sometime you feel like you got robbed almost. Thats how I feel right now. I am very grateful for the life I have and I love my life. On the other hand my life could have been a lot different, I could have been planning a wedding right now. I feel as if everything that has happened in the past two years has just been crazy, almost a blur of turmoil and happiness and crazy moments that are burned into my memory forever. When so much happens in such a short amount of time when it is all finally over with, when the time comes for you to sit and think about what the hell just happened to you, it's not always easy. I just keep realizing new things everyday and I love it, but it also makes me feel like I have no security because things are changing so fast.

This life I live is great, and the next few months are going to be some of the best of my life, and it should be really interesting to see where I end up.

Too scared to admit it #26

So are you scared yet?
Lets be honest here

You can't hide from this forever
Everything we had wasn’t torn away from us
We pushed it away, slowly, a little more everyday

Until there was almost nothing left
Until we finally snapped
Maybe me a little more than you or maybe you a little more than me
But it still happened

It is still real
Look where we are at now…
We run around in cirlces

Praying for an answer

Praying for a change

But one person can only take so much
I think I’ve taken as much as I can take
And I think deep down so have you
You’re just too scared to admit it

It's just another in the neighborhood #25

Today was just another day in the neighborhood... (Thanks Mr. Rogers!)

This morning I woke up with my frieds and we went and played on the new playgroud in Truro. It was really great, except all the little kids were staring at us, like we were crazy, along with their parents. One little kid looked over and said "Hey you were my counselor at Recreation!!!". It was so great! We ran around for a while and decided we had enough. It was a good way to start the day. I went to work and wrote some of my enlgish paper, it's been a productive day so far, we'll see how the night goes.

In my head # 24

There is so much going on in my head today. I have so much work to do and so much else is going on in my life. There is not enough time in one day for my to get through all of the things I need to process. I can't wait to get through Thursday and finish all of my school work. I have so much to get done it is just weighing on my mind, once it's all done I can't wait.

I also have a ton going on with my life. I am still in love with my ex and I can't do anything about it. He is still in love with me yet we can't be together. Its the same thing over and over. I hate it and I wish it would stop.

Those two things alone stress me out until there is no tomorrow.

I am stressed, and I am going to continue to be stressed.

Exactly how I feel #23

" Note to self - I miss you terribly,This is what we call a tragedy."

" Love, I get so lost, sometimes. Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart. When I want to run away, I drive off in my car, But whichever way I go, I come back to the place you are. "

Right at this moment, that is how I feel. I really do feel that I run around in circles sometimes. Love is just so complicated. It never really ever makes sence. It only leaves you with questions and complicating situations. I just feel like I want to know the answers to my questions.I would like to enjoy some sence of a piece of mind.

My ex and I have been on this ongoing battle for five and a half years. We even were engaged for a while. We get together we break up, we get back together, then we break up again. Every time it happens we just can't not talk to eachother. It's like our brains don't understand that we can not talk or hang out with out us wanting to be together. It just never works. It is a constant cycle that just wont end. I really thought it was over this time. I really didn't think we were ever going to be able to talk or hang out. Yet we do and the cylce continues and there is nothing that I can do,because I dont know what to do.

So the cycle continues, and the five and half years will turn into six and who knows from there. What a story it will be.

Big Big Firetrucks #22

Today in Provincetown, a guy flipped over a fire truck...yes I said it flipped it over. It was quite the site to see. There was stuff from the firetruck all over the place , and there were lots of people. Everyone was just standing around, staring, and thats exactly what I did. It's not everyday that you see a flipped over firetruck. Luckily the kid that was driving it and yes I said a kid because he is only 21 was okay, along with his girlfriend who was in it with him.

I wish I could find a picture to post with this, it would make my story seem much more cool. Maybe I can find one later.

I am going to eat some lunch...

My kind of title is no title at all...#21

No titles today, I don't like them sometimes.

Today I feel very accomplished, I got a lot of stuff done at work today, which is always good. This evening I have already done a lot in the 30 minutes I have been home, which is always good too. The past fe days have been pretty uneventful. I talked to my friend Jenny about our issues, that went well. We hung out alone for the first time in a very long time, and that was nice. In a nutshell it was a good time. Other than that I have been really boring for the past few days.

I am very excited about not having to get up early to go to school on Thursday. It gives me lots of extra time to do some school work. Speaking of school work, I have so much to do it's almost not fair. On the other hand though all of the cramming and bulk work is done in english which is grea.t In my other class I only have a project and test for the rest of the semester. I think the rest of the semester will go well, and I am looking forward to it.

I am going to burn a cd, do homework, and laundry. Ill get back to this later.

"Like Obama said it's time for a change..." # 20

Barrack Obama is our president!!!

I just needed to emphasize that for a moment. I am so happy that he is our President, I think he will do a great job. My generation has seen so many historic event and last night was one of them. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, I really thought it was going to be a close call. I was so exstatic to see how great Obama did. State by state, Obama proved himself. For the first time in American history we have an African American President!!! Our country is just awesome right now. I can't wait to see what is going to happen next and where are country will end up in the next four years. I really hope that we are in a much better place by then.

It was amazing to know that so many young people got out there and voted. Not just that but the African American's who didn't vote last time, went out and voted this time. They realized how important it was and that they should vote, and they did. States that I thought would go to Mccain because of Obama's race didn't, and that is a great step in the right direction. Its time to focus on who he is and not what he looks like. This is monumental for our country and its going to be a great four years.

There's so much going on... #19

I feel like I should have my own soap opera. My life always has something ridiculous going on in it. I would get great ratings. I am still tired of my friends. I have started cutting people out that have done nothing but cause me problems. I don't like having bad friends or bad people in my life, they don't do anything but hold me back from life. I have found that the sooner I figure out whose the people are and the sooner I keep them at a distance, the sooner my life rid of distractions.

On the other hand me and my close friend Jenny have not been getting along at all. She lives with my best friend Lacey who lives in Boston. They are roomates and we are all friends, but me and Jenny just haven't been on good terms for months. I feel like everything in her life is just a mess. The Jenny I became friends with is not the Jenny I know now. She just has lost herself somewhere in the past few months and it's taking a big tole on our friendship. There have been so many factors to our blow outs but, it's just becoming way to much stress in my life. I am going up to Boston on Thursday to try and talk. I really don't know how I feel about it. I am really apprehensive but at the same time I don't want to be because I want to try and be open minded about the whole situation. It's all just so much to think about and so much to deal with and process. I call these situations, a big huge mess!

On a better note. Work is good, so is school. I went schooting the other day so that was awesome. I yet again had another great adrenaline rush. I also have lots of stuff to get done so thats what I am going to do. I'll have something really great for next time, hopefully a great story.