Blaaaaahhh! #18

I feel blah today. I went to Boston and things are just kinda strange. I feel like all of my friends are kind of just going along with their lives and kind of forget that I am still in the group. It's like they just neglect to tell me things, and it's getting really old really fast. They just think they forget to tell me thing's but I fee like its just old. I am tired of always being the third wheel per say. I am tired of being the one that finds out about everything 2 weeks after everyone else. I am tired of being the one that just kind of sits around while everyone else is engaged in conversation. I am kind of just tired with everyone right now. My friends make plans and just happen to forget to tell me when I am inlcuded in them. It's all just annoying. I really want to swear and use a lot of profanity right now but I don't think I am allowed to do that on here.

I think that if I withdraw more then, that will just create distance between me and all of my friends. I already have major problems with one of my friends I dont need those issues with the rest. I also feel though like if I withdraw I will be able to do my own thing and maybe I wont care as much about what they are or aren't doing. Everything just feels a little bit off....I really want a ciggarette now, I am stressed out....I am going to go run away and maybe I'll feel better about the situation when I get back from running away.

Craziness in my town #17

This week in Provincetown is Fantasia Fair. It is when familes come down to Ptown to spend the week on vacation. The only difference is that the men are dressed as woman. Most of them aren't gay they are straight and married to woman with kids, they just feel comfortable and enjoy wearing womans clothing. Fors ome people its a very strange concept to grasp, but gorwing up down here it's nothing out of the ordinary to me. I think most of the men do it because for some reason they feel insecure as a man , so they dress like a woman. They have their wives to help them buy clothes, make up and accesories. It's quite the hoorah down here. A man came in yesterday and told me how he couldn't wear heals because they hurt to much on the streets. He said to me that he never know how much work went into being a woman, then stated that his wife told him so. It was very interestin, but hell I won' hate on them or gay bash them. They do what makes them happy and if it happens to be here in Ptown then bring it on. This town is full of craziness and we might as well let it continue.

I was feeling poetic #16

These old oceans just keep on moving

The currents just won't stop

Like the time of our lives

Nothing stays the same
In this strange place

Time keeps on moving

And no moment will stay here forever

We can tread in this water

Just so we can hold on

Take a deep breathe

Just don't sink to far

You don't want to drift for to long

Don't want to loose who you are

Stay afloat

Don't let go

Hold on for as long as you can

Before the ocean moves again

These currents might tear us down

Like buildings with bombs

But before the ocean moves again

Hold on because, these currents just wont stop

What a trip... #15

I took a lovely trip to Boston this weekend. I drove up and hung out with my friends, while we waited for another friend to drive my best friends car up. Well while he was driving the car up he got pulled over...and the car got towed. So me and my friend drove 14 exits and went and got the car and him. It was quite interesting, at one point my friend just started laughing,laughing histerically on the way to get the car. There was nothing left to do everyone was stressed so we just laughed and made it a good time. We finally got around to making dinner that night at 10:30, so late dinner, late night, but a great time. Good friends always means a good time, especially with my friends, we are nuts. Finally an eventful fun trip, I was starting to wonder if we would have one of those nights where everything went wrong. WHen everything goes smoothly it's not as fun. It's the story of my life, and I love it.

I am going to go do some vocab for my psych test...I'll be back in a little while to write again, I have lots of thoughts running through my head today, so I might as well post them.

Final Fall #14

"Go ahead and close your eyes
We'll pretend this isn't real
That you're not here with me
And that you're lying about how you really feel
You've been lying this whole time
But don’t worry I wont tell
I'll pick you back up
Won’t let anyone know this is where you finally fell"

-Me

Two way street #13

I have had an ephiphany, I have decided that if my friends aren't going to realize that its a two way street in friendship I am going to keep walking and leave them on the other side. I have no more time to play around and wait for my friends to grow up. For instance a friend of mine and I had plans for a week to go to Oyster fest in Wellfleet, and hour before I am going to pick her up she calls me and tells me htat she would rather go to a lame party in Ptown and get wasted like she does all the time instead of keep the plans she had with me. It's really pathetic that drinking is more important then your friends. So in that instance I am completely ignoring her and I work with her, I know she feels uncomfortable and I plan on keeping it that way. Maybe she will learn a lesson. On the other hand another one of my friends has turned out to be one of the fakest, childish people I have ever met. She and I also work together at a different job, and she just didnt bother to show up because she had been repremanded the day before, so instead of just telling them she didn't want her job anymore, she just doesn't show up. Which in turn leaves everyone who is working that day screwed, because there was so much to get done. Its all such immature crap, and I don't have any time for that in my life, what so ever. From now on I will probably be leaving lots of people stanfing on the street while I just keep on walking. They can stay in there juvenile place and I'll go be an adult. I think it works just fine for me. Now that I have completely vented about my situation I feel a lot better. Untill next time...

Today was boring.. #12

Today was pretty boring nothing really exciting happened. I woke up went to work, took a shower and now I am writing in my blog. I'd say that today is reaaallly boring. I don't think tomorrow will be much better. Driving , school, so more driving, then homework. I think I need to find something really exciting to do in the next couple of days. I wish we had more to do down here like, go carting, or an amusement park that was close by. Or maybe a roller rink that would be awesome. I can totally see myself doing that. Althought on Friday I am going to Disco Night at the Oyster Fest with the woman I work with. It's going to be awesome. I am pretty sure that a lot of people I work with are going to get dressed up like the 70's which will be so great, lots of kodak moments. I need to go write out some vocab for my phsych class...I'll write later...

Funny Story #11

So today I am minding my own buisness, standing on commercial street like everyone else that was in Provincetown. I was smoking a ciggarette and all of a sudden the crazy woman(yes shes crazy she is always freaking out at someone) walks by with her walking stick and her bright purple hat and says..." Don't you know that there's a sidewalk? Why don't you use it? What if the rescue people come they will have to slow down for you because you're in their way, and what if the person is dying in the back?" Than she walked away, she is a nut job. I truly wonder what goes on in her brain. An older gentlemen came up to me after laughing asking me what had just happened. I told him and told him about all the other times she has yelled at me or other people in town for not being on the sidewalk. Or the time she walked around picking up ciggarette butts yelling at everyone and anyone who was smoking. I think she has gone a little postal up in her brain. I thought it was a funny story though...You've got to love P-town on a normal average day!

Adrenaline Rush #10

Today I learned how to shoot a gun. It was awesome, such a great adrenaline rush. My ex showed me how. I know I said my ex, it's very complicated we are trying to be friends because its always what we do when we break up... Way to long of a story, back to shooting. He asked me if I wanted to try and I of course said yes! I think the two guns I shot were twenty two's. One was very very small I didn't like it very much because I couldn't hold it comfortably. The second one looked like a cowboy gun almost. It had a long barrel and a larger handle so it was easy to hold. I almost hit the target with that one, it was awesome. It was just a really cool experience I can't wait to do it again. I have been waiting for the class to start so that I can get my FID card, but it's not until the winter so it stinks that I wont be able to get my own gun until then. My dad's a cop so he will be able to show me everything I need to know. It's going to be a great fun hobby, I'm very excited.

Love Stinks #9

I have decided that love totally stinks. It' great in the beginning and then eventually it ends up being awful. You feel horrible and then it's all over. Then that's it,your left with nothing.Nothing but memories and the question why?

I was engaged for six months I truly thought we were going to be together for a very long time. Then everything changed, everything turned into nothing and that's pretty much all I have left from the situation. It's not fair, life's not fair, and that stinks...So in turn love stinks.

I don't think I will be falling in love anytime soon, maybe when I'm thirty I'll change my mind.Until then, love stinks, and I want nothing to do with it. I think it's time to act twenty and have some fun.

No titles this time around #8

Your picture sits in my window
Right next to your box of stuff
It's the only thing I haven't put away
Your memory lingers around these walls
It's beginning to cut into my chest
I wish I felt nothing at all in this mess we call a catastophe
Everything is so messed up and you're not here
How do you get so far from where you began?
How does a love so close turn into this strange man
Nothing's the same and everything's lost
The only thing that is real is your picture sitting in a frame on my window
And even that's making me insane
Nothing can change the way it is
Or they way we are
This is what happens when you let it get to far
I can't remember why we started but,
I know why we end

I am so stressed...again #7

So I just wrote out about 50 note cards of words and difinitions for phsyc and I still have 107 more to go...I feel really screwed right now. I hate being overwhelemed but I am and its my fault for not doing more work over the last couple of weeks. RAAAAAAAAAH!!! Okay I feel a little bit better now that I have vented a bit.

Tonight I am hanging out with my old boss her family and my friend Cleo. They are like my 2nd family. My old boss Julie is great. We worked together for almost two years and she was awesome. She was really easy to work with and had a great personality and was a great boss. Along with that we were good friends she has a daughter that is amazing. Its so stress free when I am with them it's great. It's nice to have great people in your life. Tomorrow all of us are going to a baptism for a woman who used to work for Julie as well. It's going to a be a great time.

A lovely day in Provincetown #6

Im working right now in Provincetown, its a beautiful day outside so it's not so bad. The store is very small so It's almost like being outside it's nice. Plus my boss knows im doing homework and he's cool with it since there is two of us working. I have so many flashcards to make for my phsyc test, its nearly impossible. I have horrible study habits sometimes which makes me a little bit worried about my test but I think it will be okay.

On a less stressful note I am going to Boston on Thursday I can't wait. I get to spend time with my best friend and help her feel better about her mom having MS. Whenever shes sad I just act like an idiot and she laughs and I know it makes her feel better. Plus I can go up there and just completely decompress, when I go up there I try not to worry about anything, I leave all my worries in Truro. It's nice to have a place you can go and just totally relax. I love it! I will hopefully come back with some funny stories to post...Well for now that's all I've got...

When life is stressing you out... #5

Today I am very stressed. I have so much going on that I almost don't even know where to begin. It seems as if when one thing happens everything happens and all of a sudden your slapped in the face with all sorts of everything. Right now that is how my life is going. School is taking up almost all of my time which would be alright if I didn't have anything else to do. I wish I had no responsibilty and could just focus on school all the time, but since that isn't going to happen I am stressed. I'm still trying to find my balance of work,school work and my life. It's a little tricky since I have been out of school for two years and I hated high school and trying to find a balance then was nearly impossible. I think I am slowly getting the hang of it though which is good.

On another note one of my best friends mother's was just diagnosed with MS. Its an awful disease and the everyones worried. My best friend and I are like sisters we are apart of eachothers families and its always been that way. Whenever the other needs something we are there regardless of what is going on, if we need the other its done. So right now its just a waiting game of how progressed the disease is and what her mom needs to do to try and control it. Until then no one really knows what to do. Im hoping next week the results will be back and the family can all be together. I think that would be good for everything.

I dont have any more energy right now, but I need to go do some more english homework.