Thursday, October 30, 2008

Blaaaaahhh! #18

I feel blah today. I went to Boston and things are just kinda strange. I feel like all of my friends are kind of just going along with their lives and kind of forget that I am still in the group. It's like they just neglect to tell me things, and it's getting really old really fast. They just think they forget to tell me thing's but I fee like its just old. I am tired of always being the third wheel per say. I am tired of being the one that finds out about everything 2 weeks after everyone else. I am tired of being the one that just kind of sits around while everyone else is engaged in conversation. I am kind of just tired with everyone right now. My friends make plans and just happen to forget to tell me when I am inlcuded in them. It's all just annoying. I really want to swear and use a lot of profanity right now but I don't think I am allowed to do that on here.

I think that if I withdraw more then, that will just create distance between me and all of my friends. I already have major problems with one of my friends I dont need those issues with the rest. I also feel though like if I withdraw I will be able to do my own thing and maybe I wont care as much about what they are or aren't doing. Everything just feels a little bit off....I really want a ciggarette now, I am stressed out....I am going to go run away and maybe I'll feel better about the situation when I get back from running away.

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